Today was one of those days…
Isolated… in the middle of the ocean thinking the whole “what if” tangent.
Not “what if” we drowned… I mean a more personal “what if” tangent…. what if…
1. I’d never decided to travel
2. I was in a happy relationship
3. I was crazy famous
4. There’s something wrong with me
5. This is all my life will be
Stupid questions that your brain designs to make you feel like crap.
Another tangent of thoughts for today was… how much longer can I keep living this bipolar style life. At four pm I’m sitting in silence in my pj’s in a dimly lit cabin with a plain face no makeup on, Un showered and tangled hair. At five pm I’m a full face of makeup, shiny clothes, I smell like the perfume store has exploded on me and I’m on stage under bright lights smiling like a crazy fool singing piano man for the eightieth time that week. But acting like it’s the first time and I adore every inch of the song. Shouting out to the dancers to keep it up … yahoo!!! Yes I’ll take your tips and your round of drinks, sure! And then at the end of the night I’m back in my cabin again trying to get to sleep whilst the Adrenalin is pounding against one side of the head and the ship is rocking me sideways so the other side of the head is trying to stay in bed instead of falling out onto the floor.
It’s just one of those days.
The worst and best bit is – I’m used to it now and can look at how I feel as an outsider and honestly tell myself that tomorrow will probably be another fantastic day where I love my job. It’s just a matter of hours.
There we go…
Random thoughts from a travelling musician.
Here we go again!